As I grow older and ever more cynical, I find myself wishing for the sickeningly successful people I see on TV to be beset by some small misfortune. Sometimes it would be lovely (in my twisted mind, anyway) to see David Beckham slip in dog poo as he walks down the red carpet, or George Clooney rip his trousers as he collects an Oscar.
And that's the bizarre situation I find myself in with AOL Cars' oh-so-dependable Nissan Qashqai 360 long-termer.
I'm actually hoping for something to go wrong. If I owned it, I'd be delighted that it copes with everything the team throw at it. But I have to write a monthly report about it – and the fact it never lets me down is making my life a nightmare. I'm longing for the day I turn the key and nothing happens. Or the time black smoke starts billowing from the exhaust as I tank down the motorway. But nothing. Nada.
We've wellied it halfway up a mountain, half-sunk it in mud and nearly lost her on a stormy photoshoot near the sea. But the Qashqai never complains, never struggles and never lets you down. That's great news for owners. If you're looking for a stunning car with a Beckham-esque ability to shine in any situation, the Qashqai's probably the car for you. If you're looking to start a career writing a monthly analysis of the niggles motorists are likely to experience, avoid it.
Author: Mal Hay (@MalcolmHay)
Model: Nissan Qashqai 360
Price: £22,090 (as tested)
Engine: 1.6-litre, turbocharged diesel
Power: 128bhp, 320Nm
Max speed: 118mph
Mileage this month: 3,612
This month's highlight
Annoyingly, it is the Qashqai's fantastic reliability – it has never let me down